Earlier this week, I posted about reinventing yourself with the question: “What do you think: if you reinvented yourself, would you be happy?” Well, after thinking about it, here’s my take.

The idea of escape can become appealing. It’s all too easy to live our lives where we fill in the blanks.

• When _____ happens, I will be happy.
• When I have _____, I will be complete.
• When I achieve ______, I will spend more time with my family.

Unfortunately, those blanks just lead to more blanks. The life of ambition is a self perpetuating pursuit of happiness without any real satisfaction. So, what would it look like if you removed all the blanks? Would reinvention be enough to satisfy?

It’s funny, I’ve always said I would walk away from it all to buy a surf board and become a beach bum. I would have no worries and no “stuff” weighing me down, and when I first watched the video, it sounded really appealing—like my wave ripping fantasy, but this type of reinvention actually fixes only one of the problems, materialism. It doesn’t fix the deepest that we all face, human longing for meaning.

Happiness vs. Joy

We’ve fallen in love with “happiness” as a culture. It’s become a religion, but just like filling the blank with a car, a house, or stuff, happiness is satisfying only as much as scratching an itch. It is a scintilla of satisfaction. Joy, on the other hand, may be a clue to the riddle of the meaning of life. Maybe it outlasts the momentary satisfaction of happiness, but what is joy?

Once a year I have an opportunity to attend a “gathering” where  politicians, successful business leaders and iconic change agents talk about, well, their feelings. It’s an opportunity to reflect on every aspect of life, and I consider myself lucky to sneak a seat into a room where clearly I don’t belong.

At the conference, Tim Shriver offered a hint in his discussion, “when we show kindness to someone at a moment of vulnerability, we connect with a root of humanity.” Have you ever connected in this way? Have you watched an episode of Undercover Boss and found yourself in tears? That inexpressible and complex emotion of satisfaction, resolution, pride, and anxiety overwhelms us and gives us a lump in our throat because it taps into a fundamental element of humanity. In that moment, we turn our gaze from deep inside ourselves, outward.

It may just be that when we take our eyes off the abyss of gratifying ourselves, we find purpose and meaning in life. Meditation, prayer, or service of others, all pivot the attention from inside of us outward to others.

As someone who has spent the last decade filling in the blanks, there are moments that I would love to get the studio apartment and leave the troubles of this life behind like Dr. Kitchin, but really how was his “reinvention” any different than his life of materialism? He still serves his interest. Serving and gratifying ourselves, whether through goods or achievements, is a journey into the abyss.

I really don’t have the answers, merely more questions. Can the pursuit of happiness satisfy us and sustain us? Is joy the answer? I’m beginning to understand that the only real long-term satisfaction in this life involves requires less filling in the blanks, less serving ourselves, and more serving others.

Thanks to Jeremy Stenseth for making this amazing image available for use through Unsplash.