During my CLE this year, I decided to keep track of the reasons that I don’t practice law on Twitter. I hope you enjoy. Comment any favorites, or make any contributions.

• because after nearly 15 hrs of cle in the last 32 hrs i am contemplating poking sharp objects into my eyeballs
• because mediation is for wussies
• because my idea of trial prep is 45 minutes of perry mason followed by 30 minutes of matlock
• because they call me ‘the yapper’ and the whole “brief” thing never worked to well for me
• because i happen to like “the blog things”
• because being disciplined by the board actually sounds intriguing
• because i cannot call myself a ‘minister of justice’ without winking and shooting my air gun
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• because I say “compliance” with the same disdain as other “c” words
• because “having relations” with clients is “just a bad idea”
• because failure to communicate is severely punished
• because being incompetent is severely punished in the legal profession
• because “mandatory withdrawal” has never worked too well for us.
• because to me “draft” usually involves a pint glass, and I prefer boiler maker to boiler plate
• because equitable apportionment adversely affects the pre-residuary assets of the testator and that just sucks
• because when I say the word ‘testator’ I usually giggle (just a little bit on the inside) that is a prob. when talking @ death.
• because ‘pro bono publico’ (for the good of the public) means I am working for free. runs counter to ‘profit motivated.’
• because “fiduciaries” is said with the same enthusiasm at 4 pm as it was at 8 am
• because I really should be an exaggerated litigator but I want to be a dealmaker…I am a businessman so i can be both.
• because “forthwith” or “heretofore” is not a word that I am comfortable using
• because “details, schmetails.”
• because I cannot stand to put sound effects into my presentations…no offense Justice Lee
• because in my business, if I want to cuss at an adversary, I won’t be held in contempt
• inviting any non-practicing lawyers to share pithy comments on why they don’t practice use
• because being disbarred is an event that happens at 3 am and does not have any effect on my income
• because “balancing test” should be reserved for the gymnasium and not the court room
• because “bending the rules” is spoken like it’s a bad thing
• because 15 hours per year is enough discussion of “fact patterns” and “holdings”
• because email is still called “the email” among lawyers
• because 8 am is too early to say the word “fiduciary” with enthusiasm.

After spending five years,  studying for 6 semesters of law finals, overhearing 438 religious conversations and 213 lattes, ABC has closed.

You better make a strong bid on these to ensure your success…

Congrats, Brian, I know it was the pencils because I had class with you.

Today, I celebrate. This afternoon UT College of Law will dismiss their last class and students will get that glut in their throats that their lives will be on hold for the next three weeks. Not me. This afternoon I am going to leave work, go home, drink a beer, and celebrate that for the first time in three years I did not have to go through that hell of law school finals.

I have listed my study materials on eBay.  If you are interested in passing the bar in February 2007, you should check out this auction.  In addition to the standard BARBRI and PMBR materials, I have included a custom prepared subject study outline for each subject, which is short enough to review the week before the exam.

Happy Bidding.

Through some help from my friends, we came up with the list of the topics that were tested in the summer 2006.  I hope that you find this helpful.

1. Federal and Tennessee Constitutional Law
2. URLTA – Business Organizations (Pierce the Veil)
3. Secured Transactions
4. Civil Procedure – Torts (GTLA)
5. Contracts – Remedies
6. Commercial Paper – Remedies
7. Professional Responsibility
8. Property
9. Family Law – Conflicts – Civil Procedure
10. Criminal Procedure – Criminal Law
11. Contracts – Remedies
12. Conflicts – Evidence – Civil Procedure

Yes, at some point in the near future I will be selling my study materials on eBay.  If you are interested, post a comment, and I will email you when I begin the auction.  I am pretty confident in my materials and think that you would benefit greatly from my materials.

In a thinly veiled attempt to erode the last bit of confidence that I had before the bar exam, my outgoing dean of student affairs sent my class rank today.  The diploma was nice.  The class rank was obnoxious.  As Connie Chung so eloquently sang, “Thanks for the memories.”

While I may still be studying like a crackhead diligent student for this crazy bar exam, I am officially a Doctor of Jurisprudence.  In the mail today I received a large cylindrical package, which is a real pleasure to see perched in the mailbox.  I snapped the seal and sure enough a diploma.  Whoo hoo.  Now, I have joined the ranks of those who have also received their diplomas by mail.

Ironically, the student loan company also sent a lovely note in the mail.  They said that I will be paying for the aforementioned document until I retire.  Cheers!

So UT’s computers were hacked. Is there a chance that I could entice the hacker to adjust my grades? Evidently, rank in law school is a big deal. Who knew?

As I walked through my house today and saw a bouquet of deformed helium balloons flopped into the corner of living room like some abandoned web of a three week old celebration, I thought to myself I should really pick those up.  I am daily tripping over things that were priorities just one month ago, but my priorities changed.  One day I will be able to pick up all of the beer caps on my basement floor but right now, this darned bar exam is sucking all of the life out of me.  I am sure that it will get worse before it gets better.