During my CLE this year, I decided to keep track of the reasons that I don’t practice law on Twitter. I hope you enjoy. Comment any favorites, or make any contributions.

• because after nearly 15 hrs of cle in the last 32 hrs i am contemplating poking sharp objects into my eyeballs
• because mediation is for wussies
• because my idea of trial prep is 45 minutes of perry mason followed by 30 minutes of matlock
• because they call me ‘the yapper’ and the whole “brief” thing never worked to well for me
• because i happen to like “the blog things”
• because being disciplined by the board actually sounds intriguing
• because i cannot call myself a ‘minister of justice’ without winking and shooting my air gun
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• because I say “compliance” with the same disdain as other “c” words
• because “having relations” with clients is “just a bad idea”
• because failure to communicate is severely punished
• because being incompetent is severely punished in the legal profession
• because “mandatory withdrawal” has never worked too well for us.
• because to me “draft” usually involves a pint glass, and I prefer boiler maker to boiler plate
• because equitable apportionment adversely affects the pre-residuary assets of the testator and that just sucks
• because when I say the word ‘testator’ I usually giggle (just a little bit on the inside) that is a prob. when talking @ death.
• because ‘pro bono publico’ (for the good of the public) means I am working for free. runs counter to ‘profit motivated.’
• because “fiduciaries” is said with the same enthusiasm at 4 pm as it was at 8 am
• because I really should be an exaggerated litigator but I want to be a dealmaker…I am a businessman so i can be both.
• because “forthwith” or “heretofore” is not a word that I am comfortable using
• because “details, schmetails.”
• because I cannot stand to put sound effects into my presentations…no offense Justice Lee
• because in my business, if I want to cuss at an adversary, I won’t be held in contempt
• inviting any non-practicing lawyers to share pithy comments on why they don’t practice use
• because being disbarred is an event that happens at 3 am and does not have any effect on my income
• because “balancing test” should be reserved for the gymnasium and not the court room
• because “bending the rules” is spoken like it’s a bad thing
• because 15 hours per year is enough discussion of “fact patterns” and “holdings”
• because email is still called “the email” among lawyers
• because 8 am is too early to say the word “fiduciary” with enthusiasm.